Earlier I was sat in a coffee shop drinking my skinny latte whilst munching happily on my double chocolate muffin (yes, I get the irony) thinking about the fact that today is Mother’s Day.
My Mother’s Day this year has been hugely different to last year’s which was just 3 months after losing my son, just before his due date and just before I found out I was pregnant again with my second boy. It was a really tough day.
Today, I am sat here with that second boy….yes, he’s here! In fact, he’s been here for just over 5 months but its taken me that long to find some time to sit down, find my computer and start typing. I’ll write another post soon for those who are interested in the bit where the baby arrived (without the gory details).
Whilst sat in the coffee shop, it occurred to me that no one there knew my story, no one knew I lost my first son and I didn’t know their stories either. There is an assumption that today is a happy day for everyone, a celebration of having or being a mum, but that’s not necessarily the case.
Everyone has a mum, but there are a huge amount of people who don’t have their mum with them this Mother’s Day and since losing my son I’ve become much more sensitive to what days like today can mean to different people. There are plenty of people who will find today difficult: those who don’t have their mums anymore; those that are desperate to be mums but can’t; and those who have lost children.
So, although Mother’s Day is still (and always will be) a difficult day for me, I’m not alone.
I feel so lucky to have my son with me today, even though I wish every day that his big brother was here too. He’s here and he’s perfect and I love hanging out with him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t jump enthusiastically out of bed at 4am, happy that he is awake (again!!) as I am as knackered as the next mum. However, during those tough motherhood moments (and there are plenty) I am more aware than most of how lucky I am that he is here, that he is healthy and that I am his mummy.
Happy Mother’s Day. x