‘V’ day

I am now over 24 weeks pregnant. I have mixed feelings about getting to this ‘milestone’. In the pregnancy world, 24 weeks is considered to be ‘viability’, the stage at which if a woman was to go into labour doctors would be willing to intervene to keep the baby alive. However, it is still incredibly early and for me it doesn’t feel like much of a milestone given I had my son at 24 weeks and 5 days but still lost him. That said, every day bubs continues to cook has to be considered a success. I am more focussed on getting to 25 weeks as I am hoping if I get to that stage I may allow myself to have a little bit more trust in my cerclage and let myself believe that things are different this time around.

24 week bump

It’s strange though, as when I eventually hit a milestone, all I am thinking about is the next one and so each milestone never feels like a particularly big achievement. My main millstones are 25, 30, 34 and then 37 weeks. Still a long way to go but we are slowly inching forward. This week has been the slowest week ever though!

I have pretty much put myself on house arrest this last week but have ventured out in the car/a wheelchair for a coffee and a cake and also for some dinner. It’s nice to get out but I do find myself feeling anxious and concerned that I am sitting rather than lying down. It’s difficult being on modified bed rest as I am not ill. In fact, physically I am feeling pretty good. I am at the stage where I am not that big yet so I am not restricted movement wise and I actually have a fair bit of energy. Despite this energy, I do find it hard to stay on task and to achieve the things that I want to achieve. Most days I do some French, some sewing, some admin etc and feel a sense of achievement but at the moment I lack motivation. Because of the stage I am at right now, I have been taking it easy on myself and allowing myself to laze around the flat watching rubbish television and mopping around. I’ll be a little stricter with myself in the coming months and give myself more targets to achieve.

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The other week I did enjoy a trip out in my wheels to Craftland and Paper Lane in a lovely little mall, Town Centre, Jumeriah, just next to Mercato mall. I didn’t buy much but got some quilting batting, some more fat quarters (I’m slightly obsessed with them!) and some embellishments.  I will definitely be popping back in the future and I was pleased to find some decent craft stores in Dubai (even though they are expensive compared to those in the UK). Here are some of my current craft projects.

 

What happened?….What’s next?…..

So what happened? Well, the last 6 months has been the most difficult 6 months of my life and it has been full of extreme ups and downs.

In November I moved to Dubai. In December I gave birth to my baby boy prematurely at just under 25 weeks and he died when he was just two weeks old. I may write a post about this in more detail in the future but right now I am not ready to share. I am actually a pretty private person and so writing this blog is a big learning curve for me. It’s therapeutic but also quite an intimidating process as I am sharing much more than I would usually.

I’ve seen/spoken to loads of doctors since this happened to try to understand what went wrong and was surprised at the varying advice I was given in regards to treatment. The diagnoses wasn’t clear but everything pointed to an ‘incompetent cervix’ aka ‘cervical insuficiency’. So my cervix was incompetent/insuficient. Lovely. My cervix is a part of my body that I had never previously paid attention to. I knew about cervical cancer and had regular smear tests but that’s the most I had thought about my cervix. I also didn’t know the massively important role this small piece of my body would play in pregnancy. After a ridiculous amount of research I now feel like I know everything there is to know about my cervix.

January and February passed in a blur and I don’ feel like I was really present during those months. Then in February I found out I was pregnant. We were delighted but also petrified.

My obsessive research continued and after a huge amount of discussion in April I had an operation in the UK to basically sew my cervix shut in the hope it’ll help me get to full term this time. I can’t believe it is now mid May. I am almost 15 weeks pregnant and feel like I have been pregnant forever! I worked out the other day that if (god willing) I go full term with this pregnancy I will have been pregnant for around 15 out of 17 months. That’s a long time.

It’s bloody scary and extremely emotional and I am just trying to tick off the weeks whilst attempting to keep myself sane by keeping my mind as occupied as possible.

So what’s next? Well I’ve stopped looking too far into the future and don’t let myself look much further forward than the next week or so. The biggest adjustment at the moment has been to keep myself busy whilst doing very little (no exercise, walking far, swimming, baths, fun. etc. etc.). I am not on bed rest as such but plan to put myself on bed rest in July and August which will be the time I am most at risk (between 22-30 weeks).

Any ideas for bed rest would be greatly appreciated! So far this is what I’ve planned:

1. Sewing. I’ve bought my first sewing machine to keep myself busy whilst I can sit rather than lie down. If I don’t feel comfortable sitting my mum has given me a hand sewn patchwork quilt which she started many years ago that I plan to finish.

2. French. I am going to try to improve my GCSE French via Rosetta Stone’s online subscription.

3. Website/Blog. I will keep my mind busy by blogging as well as keeping my website up to date with book and film reviews, recipes and reviews of things to do in and around Dubai.

4. Box sets. I need programmes which are lengthy and have plenty of series to watch. So far, I have been recommended Grey’s Anatomy and the West Wing.

That’s about it for now!

x